|The Mind and The Bedroom: You Can Have Better Sex by Thinking It|
Many people don’t realize it but if there’s a part of your body that can really stimulate you into having great sex, it is your brain. Your brain is in fact the sexiest part of your body and the central agent of the erotic act and eroticism. I’m not just talking about sexual fantasies here, although that can really enhance sexual pleasure, but that’s another topic for discussion. The focus of this article is more on how the state of your mind can affect your response in the bedroom and how you can think your way to better sex.
Imagine this scene: The room ambiance is all set for a seductive moment – low lights, soft music – and you’re feeling sexy enough and ready for sex. So your partner seduces you into the bedroom, slowly takes off your clothes and you climb to bed… Then you remember that you have to get a suit to the dry cleaner’s … and you start thinking you better do it early to make it to a lunch meeting with the boss … and so it goes on. Talk about a wet blanket!
Does that sound familiar? If that happens to you at one point or another, don’t fret. You’re not singled out. A lot of women are known to find their mind wandering off to all directions and turned on to everything except the pleasure they’re supposed to give and get during sex.
So how can you stop all these distractions from coming with you to the bedroom? Fortunately, there are ways that you can re-train your brain to forget the mundane and leave the stress out; and enjoy sexual pleasures to the fullest.
1. Plan a sexual escapade.
This can be put simply as: get out of the house. While it’s not possible to go on vacation all the time, there are so many ways you can have sex outside of home, like checking in at a nearby motel, for instance. The point is to take you out of your routine environment; and a hotel room where you won’t think of the past or the future is the best choice. The change of view can divert your mind off the everyday anxieties and indulge on the pleasures instead.
2. Set a “quiet time” with your partner.
“Quiet time” doesn’t necessarily mean you keep mum and don’t say a word to each other. It is more like a relaxing period when you don’t have to discuss anything stressful or something that would trigger a heated debate. Set aside at least thirty minutes to an hour to merely sit back and relax with your partner, cuddle and perhaps talk about nothing in particular or listen to music that you both like. This will also ensure that you stay connected and more often than not, it’s a prelude to much more rewarding and exciting romps.
3. Leave the state of the nation and the economy to Obama.
Sure we all have financial worries and job security concerns, but you don’t have to let these stressors get in the way of your great sex life. Here’s the trick: only allow yourself to dwell on them for about thirty minutes each day … and no more. If you have this designated “worry period” in place you’ll soon train your brain to let go of anxieties as soon as its allocated time is over and allow it to loosen up more easily in bed.
4. Lift up your body image.
Whether you are aware of it or not, body image issues do follow us to the bedroom and into bed. When you look at yourself in the mirror, focus on what looks good, like how your skin looks and feels smooth, and never mind the not-so-firm thighs. The more you notice what’s lovely and pleasant in your body and affirm this to yourself, the more your brain will accept it as truth. In a sense, your brain will believe what you say you are. Besides, your insecurities about your body are likely unfounded; your partner is bound to focus on the parts he loves about your body, rather than the things you hate. What’s more interesting is this: studies have shown that women who hold positive view of their body image find it easier to reach orgasm.
5. Give yourself the “go-ahead”.
A number of women get inhibited because of sexual hang-ups, either from their own experience or those of someone close to them or even from what they read at times. Some seem to feel guilty, thinking sex is an indulgence and there are other “more important” things. Remind yourself that you are entitled to crave for sex; it is part of your being and it doesn’t make you selfish if you yearn for carnal time and pleasure. Give yourself permission to have great sex.
6. Get naked with your partner, even out of bed.
Ever tried sitting naked in front of the fireplace with your partner? You should try it; and try it more often anywhere that feels comfortable for you and your partner. Just like setting up a “quiet time”, spending “naked time” together brings a lot of closeness. It’s not just about sex, mind you, but to simply hold close, which can actually release oxytocin, known as the hormone of love and influences the human’s ability to bond.
7. Forget about the mess in the kitchen.
Every once in a while trick your brain into recognizing that it’s alright to miss out on a chore or two; the world would not crumble if you don’t do the laundry for another day, now would it? If you let yourself off the hook from time to time, your brain will get used to the idea and stop nagging you about not doing the dishes overnight.
8. While we’re on the subject of food … eat on the floor – naked, if at all possible.
Break the routine and do something different to get out of your comfort zone. You’d be amazed at the excitement and thrill this can create; very much like what you felt when you were still dating. Remember how you couldn’t get enough of each other?
9. It’s not about “performance”.
Don’t torture yourself with unrealistic standard and stop trying too hard to look and act like a porn star. Give your attention to what feels exciting and pleasurable. If you notice any anxiety and body image diffidence sneaking in while on the act, take deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Putting in sufficient oxygen in your body can help dispel fretful thoughts and allow you to enjoy the sensations that your body feel.
10. Some things have to be left outside and not allowed inside the bedroom.
Don’t let your major fights happen in the bedroom to avoid associating it with unpleasant things. If you have to talk about money, kids, parents, religion or any serious stuff that has the potential of becoming a heavy conversation or a major blow up, do it on neutral grounds.
Your sexuality can reinvigorate your relationship and intimate life. Follow the suggestions and make use of the most exciting sexual organ you have; train your brain to keep doing what it’s supposed to do – send you those erotic loving pleasure feelings; not bring rain on your parade.
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