|Defying the Distance: Turning Long Distance Relationship Into Long Lasting Relationship|
When my friends knew of my long distance relationship – or LDR, as it’s more popularly called – they couldn’t believe it. The reactions were understandable.
Some people think that you’d have to have some serious ‘commitment phobia’ to even consider a relationship with a man who lives hundreds, in some cases, even thousands of miles away from you. Then again, it’s not always up to you. Career, school, family are just a few among multiple factors that keep couples from whispering sweet nothings to each other’s ears and make do with the phones instead. In other cases, LDR started on the Internet with both of you living in different states or different continents and have yet to meet.
A lot of people hold the notion that long distance relationships are hopeless from the start and can never survive. Well, they can think again. Studies have shown that the myth of LDR being doomed is just that: a myth. The truth is more couples than you might think are able to make their long distance relationship into a long lasting relationship. In the U.S. alone over a million couples live in separate states. Figures also show about 700,000 couples are married but temporarily living apart, either because of jobs or some other reasons.
Now here’s the big, common question: How do you keep the love alive? How do you expect to stay close (or get closer, for that matter) if you’re living so far apart? Admittedly, it’s not that easy and simple; but it’s not impossible, either. To oversimplify it, you have to work hard to make it work. This article offers five tips that may be helpful.
1. Lay down expectations upfront.
Expectations are critical to a long distance relationship. Bringing them out in the open now can save both of you the emotional havoc that could result from unmet expectations in the long haul. You have to come up with ‘ground rules’ early on. Couples who discuss what is acceptable and not acceptable; anticipate changes and come up with a game plan for dealing with them, stand a better chance of making LDR work
2. Keep the communication line open; say what’s on your mind and don’t be afraid to express your feelings.
It is hard enough for couples living in the same area to let each other know how they feel. Can you imagine how doubly difficult it is for couples who don’t have the luxury of touching each other to stay connected? It’s important to find ways to tell your long distance partner how much you cherish him. In long distance relationship words are all you have until you get together, so don’t be afraid to use them. Words like: “If we were together now, I’d be kissing you all over.” Or “I can’t wait till we see each other again.” Keep connected by sharing with your partner the goings on in your side of the world; it doesn’t have to be by the minute, but just to keep both of you posted on what’s happening in each other’s lives. This can help strengthen the bond and have a sense of (still) knowing the person so well, you won’t feel like talking to a stranger when you do get together.
3. Enjoy each other’s independence.
There’s a lot to be said about long distance relationship when it comes to retaining your sense of self despite being committed. While being apart is difficult, it also gives you the opportunity to continue growing as individuals even as you remain to be a couple. When either of you eventually moves, keep in mind that it has to be a compromise and not a sacrifice. Apart or together, it is important not to let go of your individuality, so don’t make your partner your entire world.
4. Keep the long distance lovin’ a-flame and sizzling.
There are several ways you can keep the fire burning even with a great expanse between you. Of course, sex is best when you’re in the same room but with some creativity, you can spice up the lovin’ and keep it hot. Today’s great technology even allows you to do more. You can start composing erotic e-mails; have phone sex or use webcam and digital cameras. It might feel funny at first, saying all those sexual words (or down-and-dirty details), when your partner is not physically present but with a little practice, you’ll get the hang of it and sparks are guaranteed to set both of you on fire.
5. Hold on to faith.
It’s tough being apart, it’s true. But if you dwell on the negative, it can take its toll on the relationship, sooner or later. So instead of carping about how you never get to see your partner, talk about exciting things you’ve been busy with and ask him what he’s been doing. This way, you won’t get fixated with the relationship and he won’t think you are obsessed. Remember you have the choice to be happy or be miserable. If you think and act happy, you’ll actually feel happy. Above all, hang on to faith. Whether you’re together or miles apart you have to maintain the same trust and commitment as geographically close couples do.
By the way, my boyfriend and I are still together, and we are now on our sixth year of long distance relationship. See… it’s not impossible to make it last.
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