|The Loopholes of Moving In Too Fast, Too Soon|
You know what they say about how you can tell if you are truly in love with a person. “When you know, you know.” is a popular cliché that a lot of people can seem to relate to. When it comes to matters of living together, however, it’s not as simple and straightforward as that. Sure you can be right about the guy’s qualities and all – except for the cohabitation part. I should know. My boyfriend and I just recently found out that we’re meant to share so many things in our lives – but not an apartment!
After six weeks of dating and a (sort of) whirlwind romance, we moved together in a rented place. Yeah, yeah, I know. Too fast, and much too soon. But at that time, it seemed the plausible thing to do as were both on our way out of our places and the opportunity presented itself by way of a short-term sublet in the city. The idea of living together for a bit didn’t seem such a big deal, or so I thought. That’s obviously not quite right but it was that phase when sex was really, really fantastic and I just couldn’t be bothered … the thought of a “permanent hotel room” seemed incredibly fantastic.
And so it was – incredible and fantastic! – For the first three months, anyway.
When the (Initial) Thrill is gone
It might creep in insidiously; so surreptitiously, you don’t even notice. But one day, you come face to face with it and then - Wham! It just hits you; you can always tell when it’s the beginning of the end. No, not of the relationship; but the idea of living together.
And that was exactly what happened to us. It wasn’t like we didn’t have sex anymore but it had turned out into something scheduled, routine and predictable sex. I imagined that’s what happens with married couples.
And that’s talking about the physical part. But I also noticed that we weren’t talking as much as when we just moved in. It was like we ran out of topics for conversation and we didn’t have anything interesting to tell each other.
Then it suddenly dawned on me … I was becoming unhappy. And then one time, in a sudden inexplicable attack of panic, I packed and took a flight to visit a friend and took stock of everything. It was a crazy girl’s evaluation of life. When I returned to my apartment and my boyfriend, I already knew what I wanted.
We decided we needed to have our old lives back – and yes, we needed to date again.
Which we did. I moved out after that, I stayed in my own place – painting and missing him like crazy. Not long after, we were talking again about EVERYTHING! Pretty soon, we were dating again. As it turned out, it wasn’t just a case of “absence making the heart grow fonder” it also made the sex-drive go into over-drive. The lesson I learned? Well, what’s the hurry? Sure there’s some advantage to shacking, but on second thought; we have the rest of our lives to live in the same place and get comfy and boring. Right now, we’re enjoying the relationship without being roomies.
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