|Beyond Holding Hands – PDA and Out of Bed Intimate Touching|
It’s an inherent thing in a relationship cycle – if you want to call it that – to go through a lackluster period. I bet you’ve already heard and read so many tips and suggestions with plenty of straight talk about “bringing back the lovin’ feeling” to last you another lifetime; from kissing advices to establishing a schedule for regular “alone time”, you got them all to the letter. How about one more to kick it up a notch higher?
You know how sometimes you get so engrossed with “bigger” things you tend to neglect the simplest and most basic and seemingly less important. I’m talking about Public Display of Affection (or PDA) and Out of Bed Intimate Touching (or … - I better not shorten that one to an acronym, but feel free to try and see what you come up with) as another means to recapture and re-ignite the ardor and passion of your relationship.
Now take note, it’s not the kind of public display or intimate touching that causes people to scream at you with “Get a room, for Christ’s sake!” It’s more the subtle type of touching, shared by just you and your partner; and not a public display of your sexual urges.
Holding hands is the most common public touch; a sign of tenderness and caring and is meant to convey a sense of security to the one you touch, telling them they’re not alone. It’s the universal way of saying “I’m here; you’ll be safe with me.” Studies done have shown that holding hands can actually ease up stress among men, women, adults and children alike. That all sounds good, of course; but it’s not exactly what I have in mind.
Although it’s also a given when you hold your partner’s hand, security isn’t exactly what I’m aiming at in this article; rather, the rekindling of intimacy and passion. You may not realize it but there are a lot of intimate messages you can relay that extends beyond the mere action of handholding. And they’re not at all distasteful.
There are numerous ways you can make use of your hands to send out a message of intimacy. Touch your lover to tell them how much you want them – entwine your fingers or lightly stroke the palm of their hand with a finger. Ever heard of the truism playing footsy? Well, you can do that too; go right ahead if you feel like sliding your foot up your lover’s leg while you’re sitting on a table at a restaurant. Then let your foot rest on the seat between their legs. Just be careful you don’t accidentally kick their ‘you-know-what’!
While you’re waiting in line, you can gently rub down each other’s back or you can teasingly tickle their inside arm. When driving, put your hand on their nape; move a stray hair or push back hair from the face, while talking. Feel the face with feather-like soft touch. Sweetly kiss the fingers. The ways are limitless.
Know what the exciting part is? You’re the only two who know what you’re up to. To the world outside it’s nothing but a seemingly innocent tender kind of touching; and no one’s any wiser that it’s deliberately meant to be intimate – even erotic. Make sure you look at your partner when you touch; wink naughtily across the table. The lightest touch can send a whole lot of sensations if done along with a host of “intimate looks”.
Now, there’s a kind of touching that you can easily get away with when no one’s watching.
When you’re alone in the car, for example, take the opening and be bolder. When at a stop light, you can lean over and lightly rub one of your partner’s “hot spots”. Or maybe you can exploit the occasion while you’re walking on a deserted hallway and … (now it’s your turn to use your imagination).
Now that you are aware of the possibilities, the next task is how to get your lover/husband to participate. Lead by example, as they said. Initiate the moves (at first) and hopefully they’ll catch on. The other more straightforward way is to tell them outright. You can even show them precisely where they can touch you to get you going; and while you’re at it, ask them where they’re most likely to get turned on when touched.
I can hear a lot of protests there. And I know you are going to argue that if you have to tell them, then where’s the spontaneity? It won’t mean much, you’d say. You know very well how men can be so daft sometimes when it comes to subtlety. It’s an archetypal Venus-Mars thing. Men don’t function like women, in this case. Apparently, they have to be told. A word of caution: Don’t even think of turning this into a test.
You may have different levels of acceptability and each one has to be respected, so don’t push it if either of you is not comfy with the idea because you’ll knock down the whole intention and the exercise becomes pointless.
Realize that what you demonstrate in public will be a great basic standard for how you touch even at home. A gentle touch on the arm as you meet across the living room; footsy at the dinner table; a surprise smooch on the nape in the kitchen; and a light slap on the ass on the way up the stairway steps. Sound great, doesn’t it?
Finally, it’s imperative that you realize that it is not just all about predictable sex. Sure, “looking forward for more, later” is actually part of the thrill; but to stoke the flame passion and get it intensely smoldering isn’t all about sexual intercourse by the end of the day. The little intimate touches are in itself a means to feel connected and one again – without undue expectations.
Intimacy without sexual intercourse, anyone?
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